Good thing I don’t have to deal with most of that. No school. No work. A few friends, one brother, no lover and a church calling is about all I have to handle. Not too much to occupy my day with. Of course there is still sleeping, eating, and bathing…but with no schedule to hold to, even those things become random watery moments within the day…not worth mentioning or remembering. Yeah, good thing life is so easy…nothing to order or remember or worry about doing. Endless summer vacation, it’s every young person’s dream, right? . . .
I think I’m going insane. Ack. I need a life. I need a job. I want to work. And I need something to occupy my thoughts. My dreams are bothering me more and more. I decided today that these incessant dreams about this certain guy (that I mentioned in my previous blogging) is merely my attempt to make life more complicated, exciting, and uneasy…I need that, I think. Since I messed my knee up two weeks ago, I can no longer run or play sports. I cannot exercise beyond stretching and icing my knee. I’ve found myself with no way to get out the pent up emotion and energy within myself. I am not in school this summer. I am looking for work but since my last job fell through, so has every other opportunity. It’s an interesting place to be right now. I am not sad…a little bored, sometimes frustrated, and often unsatisfied…but I’m not depressed. I went through that. That bummed out period when I was unsure how to proceed and what was worth waking up for each day. Now, I’ve found things to do. I read books. I put puzzles together. I try to do genealogy. I put a lot into my church calling. I have long conversations with people. My life is okay…not as exciting or as complex as I would desire, but it’s a life. Now if only I could rid myself of these obnoxious dreams.
It is not unusual for me to dream about people I know. Yet, dreaming about the same person night after night after night is beginning to freak me out a little bit. Haha, I get mad at him sometimes for bothering me so much. Then I have to remind myself that he has no idea that he spends so many nightly hours with me. We play sports together. We go on trips. We live life and laugh and cry and get angry and makeup. It’s a pretty full complex life…and it’s all a dream. Dreams that have been continuing for almost two weeks straight now. Nuts. Right. Completely strange. Well…I don’t know what it’s all about, but I do know that no matter what happens in my waking life…at night…I have to deal with all the complexities of school, work, church, friends, family, sports, exercise, love and hate, tears and joyful smiles…it’s all there. My life may be dragging along in a lethargic attempt but my mind is as sharp as ever and He is a large part of that.
3 comments:
Why not spend a few hours a day working on your flirting?
Hahahaha, just kidding.
It sounds like you are doing well, my friend! I'm sorry that you are bored at times, but I am happy to hear that you are filling your time with service, reading, and your calling.
If I was you, I'd try to spend as much time as I could with Jami and her little munchkin! You could babysit to fill up your time.
And to solve your problem concerning your repetitive dreams, why not dream about me? That sounds like fun! Haha.
You can stop dreaming about me now. Sheesh. I know I'm irresistable, but, there ARE limits.
Ha ha. Just kidding. I think part of the reason why you keep dreaming about this guy is due to the fact that you keep wondering why you're dreaming about him. The way I see it, if you stop thinking about it during the day, you'll eventually stop dreaming about it during the night. But, if you LIKE having those dreams, don't change a thing. There is a series of books by Robert Jordan called "The Wheel of Time." In that series there is this cool thing called a Dream World, or something like that. I haven't read those books since high school. Anyway, all I remember is that the dream world is every bit as real as the waking world, except that the reality of the dream world can be altered by those who are in it. But, if you get stabbed by someone in the Dream World, you start bleeding in real life. Kind of like the Matrix, I guess - but this was before he Matrix ever came out.
Anyhoo. They can hop from one person's dream to another to another. It's the ultimate form of spying on someone - because you can totally get inside their head.
Too bad I can't just enter into your dreams and tell that guy to leave you alone. I'd knock him out for you if he didn't leave you alone.
Oh well. Too bad that's not possible. I love dreams. I always had this fantasy when I was younger that I would invent a machine that would somehow connect to your ocular nerve - and would transmit exactly what you see in your dreams onto a computer, where you could watch them when you woke up - or you could sell them like movies, if they're really cool dreams. Wouldn't that be the coolest invention of all time?
Anyway. Sorry to ramble so much.
p.s. too bad I'm not nearby, I'd totally let you practice flirting with me. We could practice kissing too. Ha ha ha.
The whole not having a lot to do thing doesn't sound like too much fun. Maybe you could do some drawing and art stuff over the break or something. That's supposed to relieve alot of stress/tension.
The dreams sound rather annoying. I think Mr. Butterfield has it right on. The more you think about it, the more it will haunt you. The more you fight it, the more it will fight back. On the other hand, if you just accept it for what it is, recognize and accept your feelings about it, and allow yourself to think or feel whatever comes up, you'll be surprised. I have a CD audiobook thing that I would love to send you. Just get my email address from Mr. Indecision and I can tell you a little more about it. Basically it just focuses on accepting things for what they are and being in tune to what's going on with your mind and body.
There are also a couple of professors at the Y that specialize in dreamworks (analyzing dreams), and they would LOVE working with you. I can give you their info too if you want it. Just email me! You would probably just meet with them once or twice and they would help you process the dream and focus on the key things that it's telling you.
Ok. Enough from me. :) I miss you girl! You'll have to come up and visit some time - It's gorgeous up here! Anyhow, keep busy and keep being the completely awesome person that you are!
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