Thursday, June 22, 2006

I want you to imagine that you’re wearing a delightful off-white flirty skirt (okay if you’re a guy that’s a bit of a stretch so just imagine your favorite pair of khakis or something) and you’re feeling pretty good about yourself as you stroll down the supermarket isle. You grab an IZZE…the more nutritious and delectable choice over the common soda to go with your lunch (70% fruit juice, 30% sparkling water, no sugars added, cute glass bottle…). You head to the ten items or less lane to purchase your 99 cent beverage, and as you approach, happy and unaware of any possible dangers, your foot begins to slip ever so slightly out from beneath you. (My guess is the ice cream cooler beside the checkout stand is leaking a bit and a small puddle of water has formed which ever so small is more than a match for your traction-less flip-flop.) As you begin to slip you reach out with your left hand to grab the counter at which time you loose control of your drink of choice, which in an almost slow motion effect, slips from your finger tips and goes crashing to the floor. I think your first thought (after the initial shock, of course) would be one of remorse, embarrassment, and “oops…did I do that”.

Now at this point, I imagine a store clerk would run over to offer assistance…another would probably just stare in disbelief and then ask you if you ‘slipped?’ (Thank you Captain Obvious!) The preliminary shock beginning to wear off, you would then look down to see a puddle of brazing purple red pomegranate juice encircling your feet. You would begin to feel the sticky mess dripping down your knees. Gripping the edge of the counter you would (still not thinking terribly clear) step back to move out of the way of the huge mop heading your direction. In doing so you suddenly notice with some apprehension all the glass about your feet, and then with more alarm you feel the crunch of glass and the tiny sliver pricks in the sole of your foot. Your flip-flop is filled with minute bits of glass, and you are backing up right on top of them! Stop! You pull your sticky dripping glass covered flip-flop off of you foot and dangle it over a paper bag that a store clerk is carefully shoving shards of broken bottle into and shake the glass ever so forcefully from your shoe.

Now thinking more clearly (probably because of the pain of glass in your foot), you take this moment to exam the situation. You are standing on one foot, holding a flip-flop in your right hand and the counter top in your left. A store clerk is at your feet with a paper bag filled now with glass. Another clerk is trying to tear open a paper towel roll as the first clerk assures her that the store will pay for the paper towels if she opens them. Farther away a bagger is still filling bags of groceries while yelling out, “Did you slip?” “Are you okay?” “Did you cut your foot?” “Is that blood?” “We have tweezers if you want to pull the glass out of your foot!” “I don’t understand…did she slip?” “Did she cut her foot?” “Do you want another drink?”

Will she ever be silent, you wonder. Now the whole store is watching. What a fiasco. You decline the tweezers or another drink. You tell them that you just want to pay for what you have and go home. I would imagine, at that point, you would pay your bill, hobble out of the store, and try and decide what has upset you more…the sticky blood and juice mixture drying to your legs and feet or the fact that your favorite flouncy flirty skirt is now tie-dyed! I mean…that’s what I think you would be thinking. It’s not like I’m speaking from experience or anything. I mean I’m just hypothesizing, right. Just a little ol’ funny – made up story…haha…right…ha… umm … ha.
yeah…

5 comments:

It's Not a Tuba said...

So this is what you were doing at a quarter to six, huh?

Travis Butterfield said...

oh cassandra. I'm sorry to hear about that fiasco! I'm sure you looked ever so poised and unruffled, despite the humiliating circumstances. You're awesome!

Que Sera said...

That pretty much sounds like my life story. One embarrassing thing after another. When people ask me what my most embarrassing moment is, I tell them, "My whole life?" Anyway, eventually it will become really funny. Probably.

Travis Butterfield said...

you need to do a new post.

pinkfluffysparkle said...

That's HORRIBLE! I'm sorry that happened! That was a very detailed story and I could picture it very vividly. I'm so sorry about that. I hope you have sufficiently recovered!