Imaginative Dispostion, Creative Pleasures

Alright...in response to Travis, no I did not die from my illness, though I will admit I felt sometimes in this past week like that was a possibility. I have never been so sick in my life...and I never ever want to be again. To feel so completely helpless and to be so completely powerless, vulnerable, and utterly dependent on others is a terrifying but extremely humbling experience. In fact, I have a somewhat new out look on things. I hope it last. It might not. I feel this strange desire to tell everyone I know what they mean to me…to defy all norms of socially correct discourse and feelings of fear or embarrassment that things I say may be misunderstood. I just want to tell everyone how great they are, how terrific, and how much I love them. I realized when I was sick that the most important thing to me was the physical touch of another human being. This surprises me for I have never been a very touchy person, but I found that the touch of another living being was at times the only thing that reassured me that I was still alive and had not drifted off into the lonely recesses of my mind.

The quick run down of my week is as follows—first I was sick with a virus that caused bronchitis and sickness in my sinuses with coughing and a sore throat—two days later I had developed a secondary bacterial ear infection, the pain nearly unbearable—this quickly and consequently tired my poor body out even further—all the medicine I was on cause dizziness and nausea—I got weaker and was unable to eat and by Wednesday night I so sick that I could not walk/crawl without assistance, no bathroom, no food, nothing without help—I was fed, clothed, carried, and cared for by my friends and roommates—by Thursday afternoon my brother decided to take me to the ER, he and my friend carried me from the couch to the car and drove me to the hospital where I consequentially received 2 liters of IV fluid and had a couple of blood tests and chest x-rays taken—most all of this is very fuzzy to me and sometimes I’m not sure who was there and who was not and what I said and what I did not—after the IV my brain woke up and my eyes opened and I was acutely aware of pain again, but I felt such a high—it’s amazing what a little fluid can do for a dry brain—I came home and have spent the last couple days resting and trying to eat and drink as often as I can—I got up today and dressed in clothes other than pj pants and oversized t-shirts—I will return to class on Wednesday and begin taking midterms and life will carry on, busier than usual, but as if nothing had ever happened…except for the memory I have of truly Christ-like caring friends. That, I do not want to loose.

One last thought on the importance of friends and human interaction and physical tenderness…

I thought of the scripture that says that ‘man is not meant to be alone’ and having always thought of that as a “marriage” scripture I now see it in a new light. We as human beings need each other…not only for marriage and children but in every aspect of interaction in life. We can not accomplish all that is potentially and eternally within us without others. A hug, a smile, a caring word, thought, or deed is not a mere simple form of kindness but the underlying way to life and love and living a productive and progressive life. A great friend of mine said that, “This life is a life of people and things integrated into situations…these ‘things’ are vital, but only for the end of people.”

I want to shout from the rooftops my love for mankind! And I want to feel always this need for others…not a dependent helpless need but a connection, affection, adoration for all the children of God.

Well…that’s all I have to say.
Happy Valentine's day my friends.